writer Xue Xiao Zen said:

"when you get to a certain age, you go to recycle, and in the end, you live to be what you want."

if you think about it, it is true.

when I was young, I often went to all kinds of social occasions and made all kinds of people. I always liked other people's affairs and took care of myself.

it was only when I was middle-aged that I suddenly realized that I was too enthusiastic and a disaster.

in a relationship, if you try too hard, the relationship will be broken; if you use it deeply, you will hurt each other.

when you reach middle age, learn to put aside your enthusiasm, be a colder person, and live a more comfortable life.

what you think you care about may be hurt

I don't know if you have such an experience:

when I came home for the Spring Festival, I was surrounded by seven aunts and eight aunts to explore their personal feelings and financial situation.

the little secret in my heart is unwilling to reveal, but is chased and asked by others.

but in many moments, excessive unbounded enthusiasm may not be needed by others and may even hurt others.

in the TV series Happiness next stop, Song Xue, he Fanxing and Yang Xiaoyu are very good friends.

when Song Xue and he Fanxing found out that Yang Xiaoyu's husband was having an affair during her pregnancy, they went to her husband for an explanation without saying a word.

they worried that this incident would affect Yang Xiaoyu and the baby inside, so they hurriedly went to Yang Xiaoyu's house to comfort her.

even though Yang Xiaoyu is evasive and unwilling to talk about it, they are still determined to appease her.

not only that, when they learned that Yang Xiaoyu thought of her husband's kindness and chose to forgive her husband, they tried to persuade Yang Xiaoyu to divorce without boundaries.

three people quarreled as a result.

although Song Xue and he Fanxing are concerned, their excessive enthusiasm undoubtedly sprinkles salt on Yang Xiaoyu's scar, making her more helpless and painful.

in fact, Yang Xiaoyu found that her husband was having an affair a long time ago. she was also very sad and wanted a divorce.

after being married, she has been taking care of her children at home without any income, unable to support herself and her children on her own.

also in order to give the child a complete home, it is only a helpless choice at the moment.

Yi Shu said: "there is no such thing as empathy in the world, the person concerned is heartbroken, and no matter how concerned the bystander is, there is also a layer of flesh and blood."

when people reach middle age, life is full of all kinds of helplessness, and they will inevitably fall into the darkest moments of life.

We will never know what it feels like to be in the dark, so we can only think from our own point of view.

in fact, there are many difficulties in life that you can only carry through on your own, and there is nothing others can do to help.

moreover, everyone needs space and time to clean up the dust that falls on them.

caring is also a kind of enthusiasm, but a good relationship is not passionately telling others what to do under the banner of caring for each other.

instead, give the other person enough space to digest all the unhappiness, and lend him the shoulder when he needs it.

more than half of life, do not wantonly "care" about others, less "enthusiasm", leave some space for others, is the greatest respect for feelings.

if you are too enthusiastic, you will widen the distance from each other

there is a theory in psychology called "the law of moderation of communication".

means that when you interact with people, you need to grasp a certain degree, and once you exceed this degree, the relationship is likely to turn to the opposite.

but in life, many people think that the best way to maintain a relationship is to be passionate about each other forever.

do not realize that being too enthusiastic for others will only make them farther away from each other.

as the writer Junichi Watanabe once said:

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"whether people, flowers and other creatures want to express themselves too much, those who try too hard will disappoint people and weaken their original charm."

the famous painters Gauguin and Van Gogh were once a pair of close friends.

after several strong welcome from Van Gogh, Gauguin went to Van Gogh's city and lived in Van Gogh's yellow house.

Van Gogh left the best room to Gauguin and lived in a humble hut next door.

since then, Van Gogh's life began to revolve around Gauguin, and he lived strictly in accordance with Gauguin's way of life.

however, when people get along with each other, once they get too close, they are prone to friction.

they are no exception.

in the days to come, they often quarrel because they have different views on painting.

even, in order to retain Gauguin, Van Gogh tried every means to please him.

but Gauguin left Van Gogh's house ahead of time because he could not stand Van Gogh's excessive enthusiasm.

later, Van Gogh wrote to Gauguin, but Gauguin did not reply once, and the relationship came to an end.

people like Van Gogh who care too much about others abound in life.

but their enthusiasm not only failed to warm up the relationship.

writer Su Qin once said:

"true estrangement always wears warm clothes; true enthusiasm always wears an estranged wardrobe."

the second half of life, to othersDon't be too enthusiastic, not to be indifferent to others, but to be a little enthusiastic so far.

only in this way can we walk slowly on the long road and let the feelings flow.

long-term relationships are all somewhat "weak"

sometimes the feelings between people are really subtle. The more you want to be intimate, you are separated by a galaxy.

and those feelings that are always cold and non-interfering with each other can last a long time.

Liang Shiqiu once wrote in talking about Friendship:

"the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, because it is light, so it can not be greasy, can last."

the friendship between Liang Shiqiu and Bing Xin is as cold as he said.

in 1923, Bing Xin and Liang Shiqiu met on a cruise ship to study abroad.

but before that, Liang Shiqiu had written articles criticizing Bing Xin.

when they go abroad, although they attend different schools, they still go to each other during the holidays.

later, Liang Shiqiu and his wife went to live in other cities, while Bing Xin and her husband went back to live in Beijing, and the two rarely contacted each other.

when Liang Shiqiu heard the news of Bing Xin's death, he was overcome with grief and wrote "mourning Bing Xin" for Bing Xin.

it was not until Liang Shiqiu knew that it was a rumor that he was relieved.

years later, Liang Shiqiu asked his daughter to visit Bing Xin and only asked her to bring a sentence: "I haven't changed."

and Bing Xin also said:

"when you go back, tell him that I haven't changed either."

although the two have not seen each other or contacted each other for many years, there is always a place for each other in their hearts.

the relationship between two people is like the fragrance of flowers, the aroma is too strong, it is easy to be pungent, the lighter the fragrance is, the more lasting it is.

when I was young, I always wanted to have a vigorous friendship, but I worked hard to maintain every relationship, which made me exhausted.

after meeting all kinds of people, I found that I don't interfere in other people's lives and don't keep in touch deliberately. Only indifference can become the most lasting relationship.

as said in the Mid-levels Collection:

"it is only when I get older that I know that what is defeated by time is nothing but hypocrisy and hypocrisy. Really, it will always survive. "

A good relationship, you don't need to see each other every day, you don't need to communicate all the time, and time will always give you the answer.

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like what Cai Kangyong said very much:

"I encourage you to be cold. I don't think being too warm is a good position to maintain a good relationship with others. If you are tied up by the word warm, it will be even harder."

when you reach middle age and half slope of life, you might as well treat others well and love yourself seven percent.

A good relationship does not require you to care all the time, just show up when the other person needs it, and you don't need to pay too enthusiastically.

the rest of my life is not long, may you and I have a simple relationship, in the busy life, each busy, but miss each other.

, share with your friends.