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there is a saying in Zhu Zi's Family motto: "the family is in harmony. Although the family is not good, there is still some happiness."

mundane, with a stable and harmonious family, is a person's most sincere happiness.

if there is discord among relatives, their blessings will be harmed, and their families will be defeated.

A family stops internal friction and starts by putting it down three times.

drop the blame

there is a question on Zhihu: when do you feel aggrieved?

there is a highly liked answer:

"I was not bullied by outsiders when I was young, nor reprimanded by my boss when I grew up.

but I made a mistake. I blamed myself for being sad. People close to me were not only not relieved, but also kept blaming. "

I revisited the Pilgrimage to one person a few days ago, and what I regret most about the book is the relationship between Harold and Maureen that exists in name only.

the suicide of son David is a great blow to both husband and wife.

Harold fell into a deep remorse:

"if only I had paid more attention to David, I would have known earlier that he was suffering from depression."

"if only I had held him in my arms the day I learned that he was addicted to alcohol and drugs."

but when Harold was most upset, Maureen blamed Harold for her son's death.

said he was not a good father and had never cared for David.

for Harold, who lost his son in middle age, this is tantamount to making things worse.

he got so drunk that he broke into the brewery out of control and did a terrible thing.

Maureen moved into David's room and talked to herself all day long to David's black-and-white picture.

there is an insurmountable gap between each other, and the husband and wife have had a cold war for 20 years.

Zhang Zhilin once said in an interview:

"when there is a conflict, ask yourself first, what is the result you want?

break up? Divorce?

if neither, then stop blaming. "

the most sensible thing to do in marriage is to warm each other and encourage each other to go white.

Andersen once wrote a fairy tale, "the old man can never be wrong."

the protagonist of the story is a simple and kind old man who drives his horse to the market and wants to change something useful.

exchanging a big horse for a pile of rotten apples is stupid to outsiders.

but when he got home, he got a sweet kiss.

when the old man told his story, no matter what he said, the old woman said happily, "that's great."

husband and wife are still peaceful and beautiful.

Marriage is a practice of two people.

when you encounter a problem, ten thousand words are to blame you, it is not as good as one sentence I accompany you.

the so-called Tian Chang Di Jiu (Eternal Dumpling) is just an understanding, a magnanimous; one does not complain, one does not blame.

Let go of expectations

psychological counselor Christopher Meng said in intimacy:

"although ideal is exciting, it can be a source of pain in your life, especially in your most important intimate relationships."

he believes that the expectation of a partner is the biggest killer of marriage.

in reality, how many married women, when chatting with their partners, the painting style is like this:

my colleague's husband gave her a famous bag on her wedding anniversary.

look at that classmate of yours, they all buy a third house;

the man next door has become a manager....

the implication is, why are you so useless?

putting all expectations on each other will only magnify each other's shortcomings, ignore each other's efforts, and hurt each other's feelings.

once read the story of a netizen.

he said that he was going to get a divorce and had been married to his wife for more than ten years.

it was unexpected for him to come to this point.

after the children went to kindergarten, the wife took a job as a real estate salesman and met many successful men who drove luxury cars, beautifully decorated homes and often took their families on vacation.

, his wife began to dislike him for being unmotivated and unable to buy a bigger house so that he and his children could live a better life.

as a matter of fact, this netizen works in an institution and takes orders to draw design drawings after work. Although he is not very rich and expensive, his children's interest in piano and Latin dance has never stopped, and his wife's beauty maintenance has never been broken.

his wife's repeated complaints made him feel cold, and their relationship was getting worse and worse.

Liao Yimei once said:

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"the less people need others, the more comfortable and peaceful they will live. No one can fully meet the needs of another person, and the only way is to stop. "

if you are strict with your partner, you will only be tired and aggrieved in the end.

contentment is the only way to be happy when you are alive.

when you lower your expectations, you will find a place in your life.It's full of surprises.

put aside the calculation

Marshall wrote this paragraph in the Seven Journey of a Happy relationship:

"problems in marriage are caused by both parties, and there is no point in worrying about who is right and who is wrong."

it is inevitable to stumble in life, and only when husband and wife tolerate each other can they go further.

Bing Xin's husband, Mr. Wu, is a "nerd". He is very strict in academic aspects, but he is very confused in his life, and often does some "unhelpful" things.

he went to the snack bar to buy Shaqima for his children. Because he didn't know his name, he told the shop assistant that he wanted to buy a "horse".

Bing Xin asked her husband to buy a jacket, but he forgot when he went to the cloth shop and said he wanted to buy a feather brush.

this kind of thing often happens to Mr. Wu, but Bing Xin doesn't have to argue between right and wrong, but laughs and jokes: "what a stupid uncle."

I have heard such a sentence:

"if a family wants peace, one has to give in. If both husband and wife want to gain the upper hand and prove themselves right, then the relationship is wrong. "

Home is a place of love, not a place of reason.

in the Big House, Sqingova plays the second daughter-in-law, who is an impressive woman.

before she was in charge, the Bai family's carriage was smashed by the Zhan family, and there was a grudge ever since.

adhering to the principle of "a little impatience leads to a big plan", she has always advised his lordship to be patient.

but his Lordship did not listen to the second daughter-in-law's persuasion and fought a war with the Zhan family, which led to more trouble.

Master Bai repented and said, "I wish I had listened to my second daughter-in-law."

persuasion was futile beforehand, and there was no struggle for right or wrong afterwards, so that Master Bai admired his second daughter-in-law with admiration.

two people with very different personalities love each other and are enviable.

I agree with the saying: "Family is never a battlefield, and partners are not enemies."

when there is a problem, there will be tension, which will only consume the love between two people a little bit.

giving way to each other, regardless of right or wrong, is what a happy family should look like.

▽

as the old saying goes: injustice is rich and disturbing, as well as family and poverty.

having a harmonious and warm home is the greatest achievement in one's life.

less blame, less expectation, no struggle for right or wrong, the family will be warm and prosperous.

, share with your friends.